Dear Coworkers - I'm sorry that you weight 300lbs and can't fit into anything except elastic waist band jeans and oversized t-shirts, but how about you not criticize every outfit I decide to wear .. I didn't realize "shorts" were classified as "shorts" and "inappropriate" when they were past my knees .. They are called bermuda's .. Not daisy dukes .. Although next Friday, be prepared for my ass cheeks to be hanging out, along with a low cut revealing top and (gasp) FLIP FLOPS!!! Jealousy is terrible .. I know I had a baby 10 months ago, and I'm not the skinnest, but I can't help that you constantly sit at your desk eating junk food while I take care of myself .. I look work appropriate and nice .. You, bitch, can suck it ..
Dear Self - CALM DOWN .. Even your boss agreed you look fine and he is surely glad 300lb lady decides to put her input in when it isn't needed .. & he might have even said he's glad she doesn't try to wear "shorts" .. Brittany, 1 .. Jealous coworker, 0 .. :)
Dear Starbucks - I say this every Friday, but thank you .. I love you .. Let's never break up!
Dear Bryce Pierre - I can not believe my teeny tiny little bundle of joy will be ONE in a mere TWO MONTHS! Mommy and Daddy have already started the madness that will be your 1st Birthday .. & Mama has even taken off the week of August 27th-31st to celebrate your WHOLE birth week with you! You are the light of my life and the love I never imagined I'd have .. I promise to make the rest of your life, just as happy as you've made mine for the short amount of time you've been here .. And I promise to always hate your girlfriends and embarrass you by kissing you goodbye, even when you are 30 .. Please promise to always love me and cuddle with me in return .. Even when you're 30 .. Yes, I will be that Mom ..
Dear BabyDaddy - You continue to amaze me every day .. The lengths you go to support our family and your ambition is quite astonishing .. I understand there are NO JOBS (Thanks Economy) but you do what you have to do to make sure we are okay .. You are the true definition of a "Hustla baby" .. well a legal one!
Dear Uterus - Please stop .. I don't need another baby right now .. I don't know if it's you, or the weather, or the HOTNESS of my ever so hot babydaddy, but all I've been thinking about lately is one thing .. It starts with an S and ends in an EX .. TMI? Good ..
Dear NBA - Thank you for being over .. That is all ..
Dear Stomach - What more do I have to do to get you semi flat???
Dear Next Week - It is on .. Gym at 5am? It's going to happen .. My time is now! Let's shed these last 12-15lbs pronto! Hello veggies - goodbye Sonic .. oh the horror .. the humanity .. life is over!!!
