What Women Should Know About Men

Recently, I found myself reading an article put together by the weirdo’s at wallstreetinsanity.com titled “50 things women should know about men” .. Immediately, I laughed & knew I had to read it .. Please, for your enjoyment, let me elaborate on a few I thought were RIDICULOUS ..

1 – You gotta stay away from his internet search history. Do girls do this? I mean, I understand feeling suspicious about things .. But if I have an inclination of cheating or lying – I’m going straight for the phone or the Facebook/Instagram way .. Why do I care what he looks at on the internet? Ohhh, I see what they mean .. Porn .. Sorry, but to me, porn is porn .. If he watches it, ok .. That’s probably because I’m on my period or I haven’t given him any in a few days .. he’s a man .. it’s what they do .. Deal with it or fight over it .. I choose to deal with it .. better yet, I like the saying “don’t ask, don’t tell” .. Some things are meant to be kept to yourself .. 

2 –You can’t change him .. Ok .. I get this one .. to an extent .. Yes, I will love you the way you are, but there are things in a relationship that every person needs to compromise on, or learn .. If my boyfriend doesn’t like when I grab his butt or balls in public, I’ll stop .. Not because I’m changing myself, but because I respect him .. if he lacks in the “showing me you love me” department – I will tell him about it, not asking him to change, but asking him for effort .. If you don’t get appreciation, affection or attention in a relationship – why are you even in one? Feel me?

3 – He will choose his friends over you .. Um, no .. I don’t agree with this .. There a comes a time, when you grow up .. and you don’t have to go ride bikes with little Johnny anymore & eat cheese sandwiches at his Mom’s house .. yes, he has friends from when he was 2 .. I do too .. There again, the word “compromise” comes into play .. Me, being the girlfriend that I am, would NEVER even give my man the choice to have to choose between friends or me .. My man should know the boundaries and realize, at the end of the day, his friends aren’t feeding him, fucking him or financing him .. that’s me .. & what happens when you’re 30 years old, married & have kids? You give up family time to go kick it with the boys in the club? No .. You’re an adult .. I am ALL for my man being a man & being with his friends .. I encourage him to have guy time .. But the fact that it states “he will choose his friends over you” – yeah well that’s not someone I’d want to date if that choice was valid ..

4 – Withholding sex is a dangerous game .. This particular one states “I don’t care how mad you are at him, if you cut him off for an extended period of time, what happens next is on you” .. Who wrote this shit? A 20 year old single college nerd who wishes he had a woman? I mean, cmon .. If I withhold sex because you pissed me off, I’d be damned if you go cheat on me and that’s taken as my fault .. First off, if you’ve pissed me off to the extent that I won’t bang you – you better be sucking my ass to make up for it .. I don’t play the game “withholding sex” .. If I’m mad, I’m not having sex .. period .. If I’m not hungry, I’m not eating .. If I’m not sad, I’m not going to cry .. Like, who does that? 

5 – He wants to try anal .. Ok, this one is so true .. I have nothing else to say .. Guys are gross .. Why do you want to insert, touch, feel, poke anything that I poop out of .. it’s poop .. 

6 – You should learn to play pool .. Why? Where did this one come from? I’ve never seen my boyfriend touch any stick besides his own .. Lame ..

7 – You’ve got to watch your weight .. I will watch my weight .. I will watch it go up and down and left and right and wherever else it damn pleases to go .. I can’t stand superficial, judgmental men .. I can understand if I gain 100lbs .. But if we date for 3 years, I have gain 70lbs due to pregnancy, and 3 years later I’m about 10-15lbs heavier than when we met, you can suck my ass .. If you can’t love me while I’m fat and happy – you don’t deserve my pound cake ..

8 – If you’ve been living together for more than three years, he’s not going to marry you .. Fuck you .. That’s all .. Not all men rush into a marriage in less than three years .. and not all women want marriage! If I found out who wrote this article, I’m karate chopping him in his throat while I pull his balls off of his body .. forreal ..

9 – You should always take his side .. Ok, if he goes out and murders my mom on a psycho rampage out of nowhere – you expect me to take his side? Negative .. This statement to me, is completely untrue .. I don’t expect my man to always take my side .. I expect him to call me out on my bullshit when I’m overreacting about something or if I’m wrong .. I will always have his back, but I won’t always have his side .. when you’re wrong, you’re wrong .. Why do you want to tell someone you love, they are right -  only for it to backfire & you have to watch him make an ass out of his self because he is indeed wrong, just because you are being told to “always take his side” .. 

10 – He wants you by his side .. Wait – didn’t you just tell me he’d choose his friends over me? Now I’m being told he wants to live his life as a duo & I’m not allowed to leave him at a party to go talk to my friends? I have to be miserable and stuck to him because that’s what he wants? I’m so confused ..

11 – Save the big piece of chicken for him .. Oh, I guess this one goes back to the “watch your weight” issue .. Now I have to give up my chicken breast and settle for a thigh because he “works so hard and doesn’t complain much and he deserves it”??? Hell naw .. Shut your pansy ass mouth up & eat those wings .. My man doesn’t even eat the breast .. He wants wings & legs .. Get your shit straight ghost writer .. You don’t know me, you don’t know my life! 

12 – If you make him watch a chick flick, at least give him a blowjob afterwards .. Sorry, what? If he offers to take me to the movies, we see what I want because he’s offered me .. Do I get some face for making dinner every night? Or picking up the tab? Or watching March Madness? I don’t .. No man should be rewarded for what a man is supposed to do .. and that’s make his girlfriend/wife happy .. If I’m happy, I’ll give you a blow job .. Chick Flick or not .. 

13 – Threesomes, he will never stop trying .. My man has never once brought up the idea or asked for a threesome .. Not all men want that .. Idiot ..

14 – He’s not as complicated as you are .. Ok, this one pisses me off .. Because this person writing this, is acting as if all men are simple, laid back, unemotional, happy guys .. Have you ever tried to date a man yourself Mr Writer Man?? Not as complicated my ass ..

This is actually comical .. From this entire post of 50 things, you want to tell me a man is not complicated? Let’s look back shall we .. I can’t look at his internet browsing history, I can’t change him, He will choose his friends over me, I can’t withhold sex from him, I need to learn to play pool, I have to watch my weight, he isn’t going to marry me, I have to take his side, he always wants me by his side, save him the big piece of chicken, give him blowjobs for watching chick flicks, he wants threesomes & lastly, he isnt’ complicated .. 

What. The. Fuck. Let me write this down in my “how to be a good girlfriend” diary & I’ll let everyone know how much this awesome post has helped me understand my man and has made me completely change myself to be good enough for a man .. Suck ass Wall Street Insanity .. You should give me a blow job for even taking the time to read that post & elaborate on it .. 

Happy Wednesday!